Our theme during our last homecoming was “Alter Ego: Who are you if you are not a doctor?” It wasn’t so hard. I can be a teacher, a musician (thriving), an IT, accountant, call center agent – it didn’t really matter. During the past few days that I have more quiet hours (I cut down on duties), I think my alter ego really is what happens late night after all my work is done.
It’s that “something” that questions, that searches the emptiness, that thinks about life in general. It’s something that welcomely feels that “burn” itside. It remembers memories where she felt most alive and dreams endlessly to make more of it. It remembers passion. It remembers how it feels to play long hours of piano. It remembers love making. It remembers euphoria for understanding an illness and for the ability to win over it.
Is it a second self? It seems like it isn’t. Because whatever I do, even during my day job, it is always there – looking forward to the time when it can walk, naked, freely – in my world.
So, what is my alter ego?
Maybe it’s that careless person that would only like to do one thing. Loving. Complete surrender to love. That someone who will give up the things she has for a life in a fairytale. That was the closest thing to me seeing another version of me.
For now, I am a humble servant and more importantly a mother with a goal of preparing a better future for her child. Yeah, that’s basically what I do today.