Tonight

I  have to submit tomorrow our “ultimate” yearly requirement for promotion – the retrospective paper. I am however only half way doing my results and discussion part and only a small part of me is panicking… and it’s almost midnight … and I’m having my last duty at the puso center tomorrow… and I cannot be late (I planned to but then the consultant strictly comes at 7 and I don’t want  “the” attention). I am about to call this a career suicide except I won’t die from this. Not finishing this would only prolong my career life as a form of punishment – just like a poorly planned real life suicide of jumping from the 3rd floor, or  slashing your wrist only up to the dermal layer. If only quitting is that easy.

This, ladies and gentlemen is just a part of what’s going on in my head right now I just need to get it out. I’m doing my paper now.

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Day 3

I am on day 3 of my outside rotation.  First two days were awesome and it genuinely felt like FREEDOM. With what’s happenin in the office + monotony of everything residency wise, it’s nice to get away even if it meant getting away only to work in another institution doing the same things with different people and bosses. 

However, you wake up with haunting messages like “No, the boss did not agree to move the research paper submission”, “Your audit will be next week”. And you are reminded – those in your homebase are given privilege for a day-off during their preduty in preparation for the inservice exam – while you, since you’re outside is not given that same chance. What’s worse? You sign in at 7 am and is allowed to go home after their endorsement which usually ends at 7pm.  I might be nearer to my area but the time I reach home is not at all earlier than before.  Nakakaiyak. I’ve been in bad mood since last night and maybe allowing myself to whine and have self pity just this time would do something.  

(Haha!) Nothing will change honey. You’re still miserable and lonely – it won’t change. – The voice in my head says.//

I kill time here in McDo with my 16oz Frozen Cola for breakfast. I could have read my notes but, I feel lazy. I’ll try to go early to work today.

Cheer me out Joy. Wake up.